I'm going on a cruise by FRANCIS LE GUEN

The mood of Francis Le Guen

Because sometimes, do not mess around!

Music credits: Erwan & Eric Le Guen

Aaaah diving cruises! We have fun there, we sail, we dive when we want, we party… Yes. Those * are top-of-the-range cruises, most of those sold in today's specialized TO catalogs ...

But I have also known other "adventurous" trips which looked more like the "salary of fear" than "the Care Bears cruise" ... It was the reign of the "hot bunk" in the midst of the stench of vomit and solitary sailors, clogged piston toilets, freezers overflowing with stagnant water after three days, the crashing of engines and generators installed under your head as a pillow ... Sauna cabins ventilated by a propeller whose wouldn't want a model airplane, or restful nights spent on the deck, on a soaked foam mattress, thick as a sheet of cigarette paper. Meals of uncooked noodles, taken on a dirty plate, clinging to the passageways, between two packages of sea.
Not to mention the necessary urination, practiced squatting in the dolphiniere because of the lack of toilets. The operation being carried out in full view of all, I remember an assistant who could not bring herself to do it and whom we saw swelling regularly during the 7 days that this "voyage in unknown sea" lasted. »… Aaah the charms of common navigation… But the worst part is that they were selling them, their rotten cruises!

At one time, a boat at a “broken price” was thus operating in the Red Sea (it was not only the price that was broken…). One might have thought it had come out of Traven's novel "the ship of the dead". He also held the record for opinions from dissatisfied customers. One lost, ten found !
Not to mention the safety and diving conditions. In some circumstances, cruise ships do not deserve the name. It was in the former Yugoslavia, aboard a large Turkish wooden ship which had gone directly from transporting materials to that of tourist diving. Except that nothing had been planned for the launch! Already, the straight jump from the rail (more than 3m) was quite tough… But what about the ascent, fully equipped, on a rope ladder? That day, we lost a lot of beginners ...

A cruise is a micro society. The problem is that we are all in the same boat! And when they are small, it is better to be able to support each other. I remember a particularly contentious press trip to the China Sea. One of the journalists had pissed off her world so much that she found herself in the annex, at the back of the sailboat, in tow with a good length of rope! The captain is the only master on board… Because there are those who systematically blow up the toilets or forget to close the flush, threatening to sink the boat…
Fresh water on board is a problem. Here is a resource by definition limited in this floating ecosystem. Conflicts arise at all times over this and the showers are ruthlessly timed. The best, the greenest, are the filthy ...
In this regard, do not go to risk drinking water boats! Forget even the toothbrush. The friend Jean-Christophe, concerned about his impeccable commercial smile, had brushed his teeth on the sink on the deck of our cruise ship in Egypt, near Hurghada. The next day it was leaking through all the holes and looked like a baked apple! We almost lost it: the water reserve on board was an amoeba broth ...

So for the holidays, what to choose? "Hard" diving base or diving cruise? Sometimes there is no choice. For example, if Lisette is sick at sea, you have to fall back on the bungalows. And goodbye the little paradises that are only accessible by boat.
But in fact, the problem is cultural. The key is to know which side we are on. If you're a happy cruise line, then the ocean is ours! And we look down on all these ducks with a thread to the leg. But if you are a "landowner", the cruise ship is the invaders' ship, the enemy who will come and sack funds, rape women and children and leave as he came… Without even shitting. for two hours under the dodger to reach "the dream beach at the end of the world" ...
It was a beautiful morning on the Sataya reef in the south of the Red Sea… We had reached it by leaving at dawn from the base of Wadi Lahami, after 2 trying hours in a Zodiac. But what a reward: here we are alone in the world, in the sky blue water fringed with virgin coral. The sun plays in the ripples of the white sand, ten meters under our fins. Silence… Instant Zen… And suddenly, a school of fifty stenellated dolphins appears, approaches, turns, turns between two waters, plays with us. Magic…
It was then that we saw the "cruise ship" approaching ... A few minutes later, a band of twenty madmen landed on the site to whom we had no doubt explained that it was necessary to interact with the dolphins. Go Pro on the head, they chased them relentlessly, swimming insane circular saw crawls while shouting in the snorkels. Through the foam, I watched with regret the dolphins moving away ... But already, the squad of badgers with fins had climbed on board the tenders and re-embarked on the flagship, towards other "interactions" ... Good riddance!

So, on foot, on horseback or by car, never forget that if the dress does not make the monk, the boat does not make the diver either ...