ALL A POIL by FRANCIS LE GUEN

The mood of Francis Le Guen

Because sometimes, do not mess around!

Music credits: Erwan & Eric Le Guen

Underwater photography, what a great hobby! But in this field, there are two kinds of photographers. Let's talk about “animal keepers” first. Gladly misanthropic, the wildlife photographer and in particular "macro" is a loner who spends his dive with the mask stuck on 1 m2 of reef and which is the seat of the commensal shrimp, the mimetic and tiny crab or the exasperatingly slow nudibranch. This is enough for his happiness. Covered with boxes, extension tubes, flashes and pilot lights, he saw his dive through the small end of the telescope and pissed off the whole team who were motionless to quail, while waiting ...

But we must also talk about "anthropomorphs", ie those who photograph people underwater. Preferably women. And then the problem of the model arises. Yes. The photographer "animal", he does not need models: they are provided with diving!
But the “divers photographers” work in pairs, at least. Often husband and wife, boyfriend, girlfriend. And underwater, household scenes are the rule. The photographer spends his time twisting his arms and roaring through the regulator in front of this model who definitely doesn't understand anything! To the left ! Upper ! Closer… Etc. Ladies, my condolences ...

But what about rendering? The photos of divers and divers in action, passes again, it is quite natural and it is indeed often necessary to place a character in a submarine scene, if only to give a scale, a perspective.

But here's what “creative photos” landed a few years ago. An appellation that has always made the professional photographers twist with laughter, the real ones, those who make a living from their work and for whom creativity is a necessity. By definition. These "creations" have become fashionable through the various photo contests, as a necessary step. There are even swimming pool events! And bad taste is often the rule of this exercise ...

So, the current trend is to wet clothes. To the pictures of mops. Not a day without being discovered on social networks the picture of a naiad fully dressed, haggard, eyes red chlorine, more or less embroidered in sheets soaked in the middle of soap bubbles. This is the big laundry! Because we realized that underwater textiles, like hair, float, twirl, pull and that it is bo! Creative! So, we are now served clothes soaked in all the sauces.
At first, the novelty pleaded in favor of these underwater fashion shows. Mike Portelly, Zena Holloway, Elena Kalis and a few others gave us some gorgeous images in this style. But why imitate, the bad taste in addition? Because in the genre, most models are pitiful. And the vaporous drapes, the grace and the beauty, it is a profession. It is not enough to put a wet cloth around the buttocks and to patrol in the coral ...

But, finally, when one thinks about it, what is it that this nonsense to dive fully dressed? Is it to circumvent Anglo-Saxon prudery that complains to the UN as soon as she sees a woman in the water, naked? That's Anglo-sexist!

On Facebook, which has become the yardstick for good morals and "virtuous circles" (sic), we camouflage the pussies and nipples, under penalty of radiation. We cheat with nature, to supposedly "protect" the youth ... Who also enjoys dirty films on the same internet ... What is this problem with nudity?
In classical art, the nude is the rule. Michel Ange did not put a sex cache on the statue of David which sits at the Prado in Marseille… Courbet did not paint a thong on the glorious fleece of “The Origin of the World” either. Let's move on.

But beware of modesty, gentlemen photographers, let's take the plunge! Let's take the pants off once and for all instead of hiding them in Jouy lace! Isothermal question, these ladies will not make the difference ...
And a little parity, what the hell. If I believe the women of my networks, there are a little fed up with sirens. These ladies want some muscle! Men, real ones. Naked rugby players. Underwater pecker. How to blame them? 99,9% of the iconography of the genre is female. Come on gentlemen, who is devoted? I would take the photos! No amateurs? It's true that, thank you, we can all get dressed ...

Besides, let's talk about it! To get dressed. I don't know if you've noticed, but the underwater world is dark! Black gloves, black slippers, black stabs, black fins, oil slicks… Oh, of course there are manufacturers who escape a bit, add a few small colored chevrons here and there but overall, in terms of diving clothes , we have the choice between black and black… It has even become the synonym of Neoprene because, for cost reasons, all the equipment suppliers are supplied by the same Asian wholesalers. That certainly explains that.

And yet, the same Asians make real wonders in Neoprene. In the 90s, the Japanese Tabata offered clothes worthy of a fashion show (we come back to that). Shades of vanilla / caramel / chocolates, fluorescent sets, pastels, harlequins and all the accessories from the same barrel, including fins and regulators. It was still more cheerful. And more photogenic. You would have seen me in pink, at the time ...

If we are to believe trend specialists, yellow is currently featured in fashion shows, whether at Michael Kors or at Dior, and in all its variations. Pale yellow, neon, or chick: all colors are possible. At Kenzo, it's the orange that will prevail this summer. At Gucci, pink; at Givenchy, baby blue. Chanel will opt for red and Valentino for beige (or sand). But no black!
So ? I say that, I say nothing ...